A Mother’s Worry

Today (November 16th) was Leo’s 9-month appointment. I’m usually really excited for his appointments. I love talking with his Doctors and Nurse Practitioners about his development, seeing that he is healthy, and learning about all the exciting things that lie ahead over the next few months. I had very different emotions going into our appointment today.

First, I just want to assure you that Leo is completely healthy; I wouldn’t want to leave you wondering about that as you read on.

Within the last week, I noticed a couple of things about Leo that ended up being absolutely no cause for concern. That didn’t stop me from literally losing sleep last night as I went over every scenario where these non-concerning things turned into something so scary.

Anxiety takes over and rational thoughts go out the window.

Why is it that we immediately lean towards worry instead of believing in the best outcome?

Why is it that whenever someone else is going through something, you can assure them with certainty that everything is going to be okay, but when it comes to yourself and your child, you can only focus on the scary possibilities?

I’m sure just about every mom can relate to some degree, but sometimes I wonder if I’m permanently scarred because of my dad’s sudden cancer diagnosis earlier this year. Am I not capable of differentiating between what’s normal and what I should be concerned about? I know it’s normal for parents to worry, but is my concern amplified because of what my family has recently experienced?

Is it that we just have too much information at our finger tips? We have instant information overload the second we click “search,” opening article after article, one often contradicting the other.

Or is it just that we are our children’s advocates and want to be as informed as possible so that we can ask all the right questions?

We feel such immeasurable love for our children and just want the absolute best for them. Any potential deviation from that picture can be scary.

Maybe worry never really goes away as a parent, and I’m probably going to loose a lot more sleep over the years, but I’ve learned a lot this year. I learned that life happens. Sometimes big and scary things happen, but we do get through it. Since tomorrow lives in the unknown, what’s important is to continue to be present and to pour out that immeasurable love, savoring these moments and creating bonds that ultimately turn into the strength you need to navigate through the uncertainty.

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